DISCLAIMER: If you're a DJ from East Grinstead called Dave and you're reading this, we didn't mean you. And anyway blame Harold.
For many in the world of dance music and clubbing, Ibiza sums up the spirit of freedom, hedonism and community that makes our scene so special. This is because, despite the negative hype that it receives every year, it’s still totally awesome and a week in Ibiza during the summer season is a chance to create some memories that may just stay with you forever. It’s also a chance for young men to wear muscle vests and find out what Spanish police think of drinking in the streets, sleeping on the beach and rampant drug use.
There are many great things about Ibiza, not least dreadlocked white bongo players who thoughtfully soundtrack the sunsets for you wherever you are, but the very best thing is your mates coming back in September and giving it all the “This year we really got into the more spiritual aspects of the island” schtick. When your mate says this, it means you're about to hear an hour-long diatribe about their Ibiza holiday that will include words like ‘raw’, ‘yoga’, ‘chia seeds’ and ‘spiritual journey’. Get out. Now.
If you’ve not visited before, be prepared: the climate, fauna and flora are different to what we're used to here in the UK. For example, there are even more DJs in Ibiza than in this country. You can leave a small bowl of MDMA outside your villa at night and by morning a gaggle of sleeve-tattooed, snapback'ed, vest-wearing bro's will have gathered, and with a bit of luck, you’ll have time to listen to them telling you what they think the words 'deep house' really mean.
This year, in what sounds like some kind of back story to Mad Max: Fury Road, it's been reported that Ibiza’s infrastructure is struggling under the weight of increased tourist numbers, to the extent tht there are concerns about the availability of clean water. This is due to countless couples called Dean and Debs cancelling their usual two weeks all-inclusive in Sharm el Sheikh because ISIS, and heading to Ibiza instead - leading to unprecedented demand on the Island's resources as all nightclubs are now expected to provide an all-you-can-eat buffet and kids' club. Cheers, ISIS.
Elsewhere on the White Isle this year, Amnesia have paid their own very special tribute to the legendary Studio 54, by reportedly getting caught with two million Euros stashed in the walls. Amnesia are currently continuing their DJ schedule, including Paris Hilton's Gnome and Pieland, sorry, Foam and Diamond night, while the police continue their enquiries, which are part of their larger investigation, Operation Chopin, into corruption in Spanish nightlife. Dave from East Grinstead (DJ name: DvT€D or some other similar combination of consonants and punctuation), who'll be spending his summer DJing at a small backstreet bar in San Antonio, is reportedly worried about the effect that Operation Chopin might have on his 'residency'. Not to worry Dave, you’ll probably be okay. And when you come home after three weeks cos you’ve run out of money, you can tell all your mates it's because you were "busted by the Feds".
Although parts of it are essentially identical to Norwich city centre on a Saturday night, Ibiza at its best is still unbeatable for dance music-based fun. Think Afterlife at Space, Dance 88/89 at Sankeys, Richie & Ricardo, sunsets, pool parties, beach beanos, bongos, getting to wear sunglasses all the time, hippies, poncing around on a boat party like you’re in Duran Duran, vests, pingers, healing spaces, and of course all those wonderful clubbers making their own set of sparkling sun-kissed memories. Have fun!
Words: Harold Heath
Pic: Forbfruit/Creative Commons